Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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