Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
