Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm jealous of your bromance
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
