No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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