so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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