I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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