does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
