I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
