So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
