just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
