i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
