the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
