My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
