I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
