I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
