He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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