she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Panties = found
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
