I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize