it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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