apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize