I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
