Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
