We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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