you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Randomize
