Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
