The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
