You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
