how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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