How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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