Your mouth is God's brothel.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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