WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
