He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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