whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
