I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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