Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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