Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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