I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
