ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
