we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
