I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
