We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
