Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
