Betty ford says i'm here all night
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
