when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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