My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
