he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
