you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
