I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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