hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
