we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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