How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
