i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
