I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
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She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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