ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
