I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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