im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
