I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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