If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
