so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
