I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
