I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Panties = found
Randomize
