I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
