I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
