I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
