Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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