please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We need to rekindle our bromance
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
