'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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