I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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