States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
