The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
