Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
